As a conference speaker, workshop facilitator, and one-to-one coach my favorite part of the job is encouraging others to step out of frustration and step into fascination, helping them to create positive experiences for themselves and for those around them. But very early on in this career I realized there was a problem with encouragement, and the problem is that encouragement is not an isolated task. We can’t simply say to others “You can do it!” because maybe the people we’re working with can’t do it!
 
Have you ever experienced this? Words that are meant to encourage are met only with discouragement? Lacking any sense of clarity or confidence, such efforts are at best hollow and at worst harmful. When we’re encouraged without the backing of empowerment, before long we’ll become frustrated and will only want to give up!
 
The Prerequisite To Encouragement
It’s one thing to tell someone what to do, but quite another to empower them by giving them the relevant tools, knowledge, and skills to do so. Because of this observation it’s been my experience that the prerequisite to encouraging others is to first provide them with empowerment.
 
I like to think of empowerment as the sail for a boat. Sails are an appropriate tool for providing direction through the seas of life and, for someone who’s floundering, a sail can provide the meaningful direction and guidance needed to get to where they want to go. And just as important as having the relevant tools is also having the knowledge of how to use them. Empowerment, then, encompasses being armed with both the appropriate tools as well as the strategies for how to apply them.
 
Relevance
In a previous article I shared ideas for building a bridge to engagement, to connect from where someone is to where we want to guide them. In that piece I discussed the importance of rapport in fostering a meaningful connection. In this article I’ll share another “R” word that will help to provide empowerment to others. The word is Relevance.
 
People are more likely to care about what we have to say when we’re able to demonstrate the connection between our objectives and their needs. In other words, our task is to find out what motivates others and then build a bridge that connects to those motivations.
 
Conveniently, the best way to facilitate this is by asking questions, and it’s the very same questions that help to build engaging rapport that will also help to provide relevant empowerment. Once we get to know others we can begin to connect the dots, revealing a clear picture of how the encouragement we want to deliver connects to the empowerment that they need to succeed.
 
Reflection

1. In what areas of your life are you trying to provide encouragement without first seeking empowerment?
2. What questions might you use to relevantly connect with others?
3. What can you do starting today to provide more empowerment to those within your sphere of influence?
4. How can you use the ideas expressed here to help empower those around you?

 
Final Thoughts
Without the empowerment of direction life can become frustrating. Even when we may be fully engaged, not knowing what we want to do and not knowing where we want to go will lead to merely going through life rather than growing through life. Next year we may be a year older, but will we be a year wiser too?
 
Armed with this knowledge I still enjoy encouraging people, because I love having a front row seat to witness the success of others. However, I always first ask what my clients will need to become fully empowered to achieve success. Well before walking out on stage at a conference, stepping up to the front of a conference room, or sitting down with a coaching client, the questions I ask include:

• How can I build rapport to connect with them?
• How will the material I’ve been asked to deliver connect to their pain points?
• What knowledge and skills are they coming to the table with?
• How can I provide them with maximum value, clarity, and confidence?
• What game plan can I give them to be fully empowered to succeed?

 
Of course we all want to be a positive influence in the lives of our friends, family, coworkers, and community, but before we can encourage others we must first ensure that we are empowered. If we are not empowered then it will be impossible to provide empowerment. In other words, before we go around plucking specks from the eyes of others let’s make sure we’ve first removed the log from our own eyes. When we do we’ll be well poised to provide maximum value to others through relevant tools and strategies that offer direction and guidance through the seas of life!

Jonas Cain is an author, magician, and founder of Positivity Magic where he serves as Executive Director and Facilitator of Fascination. Positivity Magic helps motivated professionals communicate more effectively through team building workshops and
personality and behavioral coaching, and helps emerging adults manage change to overcome risks for anxiety, depression, and suicide.

Transformational products and services include books and online courses for independent study, encouraging one-on-one coaching sessions, empowering team development workshops, and engaging keynote presentations.